These Advice given by My Father That Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was just trying to survive for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the truth rapidly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You're not in a good spot. You need assistance. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to talk among men, who continue to absorb damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a display of failure to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a break - spending a couple of days overseas, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when younger to modify how he felt, turning in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a friend, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and if you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the best way you can look after your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."